By perusing through the site, I have seen quite a bit of topics closed and arguments ensue. The tone in most of them seems condescending. Compared to some other SE sites, this one seems to be "catty".
Perhaps expanding the FAQ to include a better description of the topics the moderators will allow would be helpful?
Note: this is not about my question that was closed, although it had upvotes and the closing made no sense to me, I was not offended nor were there arguments in that particular one.
This is in response to the question of How can I encourage a culture of punctuality in a software company?
1. Telling an asker not to do something is perfectly okay:
My answer was one that basically suggested to the question asker that it wasn't a good idea to try to force (or encourage) such change. I basically said "Don't do that" and then followed up with what I thought was the better solution. "Try this instead."
From the Workplace FAQ - How to Answer:
Answer the question
Read the question carefully. What, specifically, is the question asking for? Make sure your answer provides that – or a viable alternative. The answer can be “don’t do that”, but it should also include “try this instead”. Any answer that gets the asker going in the right direction is helpful, but do try to mention any limitations, assumptions or simplifications in your answer. Brevity is acceptable, but fuller explanations are better.
(bold emphasis in body is mine)
In short, there is nothing wrong with telling a question asker not to do what it is that they're asking, so long as a viable alternative is presented in it's place. Let's not lose sight of this very important point.
2. Condescending Tone
While the issue of condescending comments or answers could be dealt with in the form of constructive guiding comments, editing questions and answers, and/or downvotes, it's important that we understand that the FAQ for this and all Stack Exchange sites clearly state that answers can indicate disagreement with the course of action and offer alternatives.
Always be polite and have fun
It’s fine to disagree and express concern, but please be civil. There’s a real human being on the other end of that network connection, however misguided they may appear to be. We’re here to learn from our peers, not yell at each other.
I also don't think everyone that says "this is a bad idea" intends to be rude or condescending. Sometimes, a comment is all it takes to alleviate the problem. A few people, including Chad, pointed out some problems with my answer in the comments. Most of them were very respectful and helpful, and I was able to correct the answer to make it fit the guidelines 100%. So let's also not forget that when we leave comments to someone who may not have posted something that is 100% perfect, that many people want to positively contribute and may simply need some help or encouragement to get from point A to point B.
If that doesn't work, if your comment is met with further rudeness or condescending attitudes, then that would be a good time to flag the post for moderator attention, and calmly walk away.
I go over almost every question as it enters the site, participate in many of the closure related discussions and, as my close votes are binding, my votes have been responsible for a bit over a third of the recent closures on the site. Yet I'm really not seeing this "catty" behavior on closed questions.
Yes, there have been a small number of rude/rude-ish comments; some I've removed or edited myself. I could probably count that number on both hands. Maybe one hand.
Yes, rude comments are a problem and they should be flagged. Moderators can edit/delete rude comments, but we must be aware of them. We can't read every bit of content on the site; this is what flags are for, to bring issues to our attention. Flag a post and we'll either take care of it or decline it with a message explaining why there's nothing we can (or nothing we should) do.
With no examples I'm really not sure what to say here. Yes, catty comments aren't nice. But this discussion isn't really worth having unless there actually are catty comments. Maybe I've missed them. Maybe your definition is different. But without examples there's not much to be done here. Just flag inappropriate comments and be civil. That's not really "this site being more friendly to users when closing questions" though; that is a constant expectation of this network and this site is no exception.
We don't tolerate rude comments. You don't need to ask us to enforce the FAQ. Instead tell us where there's a problem.
The one example given so far is definitely an exception, not the rule; note that that question has 15,000 views. The post hit Reddit and thus got a flood of activity, good and bad. That doesn't happen on a daily basis and is extremely hard to moderate, especially before the dust has settled. We aren't here to moderate Reddit. Reddit is a mostly lawless land and some of that attitude comes over when a question gets big on Reddit. Most of our closure reasons and quality standards are to keep those problems out.
We can't read everything on the site, so sometimes a question slips by and gets turned into a mess after the initial phrasing on the question. When that happens, you have to flag things to let us know there's a problem. Especially when a question is Reddited we need extra help to keep a question, comments and answers in line.
The worst problem I have seen is a piling on of down votes on questions that are not bad topics just asked poorly. It is one thing when it comes from an established user with a high rep but piling on for a user with > 10 rep. The users were trying to add content to the site and get involved in our community. To see them pushed away because they asked a decent question the wrong way is disheartening. We should be offering constructive methods of helping them rephrase the question.
The other problem I have noticed is that it has become acceptable to attack a questions goal in an answer. I think the worst example is: How can I encourage a culture of punctuality in a software company?
The OP asked how he can change his culture to one where people are at work during their expected work hours. There are at 11 answers that boil down to "you are wrong for wanting to try." These are not answers to that question and by allowing them we have created a precedence that it is acceptable to do this and do it over and over. To me this is the perfect example of a place where our moderators should be saying this is an exceptional circumstance and stepping in to close and delete these answers.
If the question were how do I keep women or an ethnic group from doing something I do not like at my work place then I would understand and I expect the question would be closed. But this is a legitimate question and it deserves a legitimate answer.
It is an emotional response that says yeah you can not force me to be on time. I actually sympathize with the sentiment. But the reality of the work place is that it is work not play.
http://blog.stackoverflow.com/2012/07/kicking-off-the-summer-of-love/?cb=1 Exactly the point I was bringing up here.
