My question has been closed and I'm working on revising it to get it re-opened and would like your help. Here is the question: What happens if I poison a co-worker who has been stealing my food?
Since getting closed for being off-topic I've performed a considerable sized edit to try make sure it is on-topic and a good fit for the site whilst still keeping the core question the same.
After making the edit it sadly still wasn't reopened so I've now turned to Meta to try and get it up to scratch. If you have the time then help to address the question's issue (either by identifying them or giving advice on how to resolve those already identified in the comments/answers below) would be appreciated.
Please do not think that if I disagree with your advice that it means I don't appreciate it!
Here is a track record of some of the reasons for closing (some given in the initial close, others given as on-going feedback):
According to the reason for close it is off-topic. I've read through the on-topic page and here is why I think they don't apply:
It is not a "question seeking advice on company-specific regulations, agreements, or policies." - I've mentioned my company has no specific policy on the matter and I also think it is unlikely that other companies will have any either (I welcome correction in answers).
If we follow through to the community answer on the company-specific issue we can see it doesn't apply either. It could "help out people in the future who are facing the same problem" as a cursory search shows that accidental poisonings happen fairly often (link to 5 such examples) and a search for 'can I poison a someone stealing my food' turns up 45 million results, so whether it is accidental or intentional I think there are people out there it could help.
You may feel it would be better to ask "How can I prevent accidentally poisoning someone?" or "How can I stop someone stealing my food?" but these are different questions and I'm not looking to find out the answer to either of them. I know how I can prevent accidentally poisoning someone, I know how I can stop stealing someone stealing my food (plus that's already been asked twice as mentioned in my question), what I'm looking for is the answer to the question I have asked.
It is not an example of the XY Problem. - I am not "asking about [my] attempted solution rather than [my] actual problem." I am asking about probable outcomes based on people's expert knowledge or prior experience. If anything the question has became an example of the YX Problem as Code Bling so eloquently put it (quoted here as linking to comments isn't possible):
You post looking for a specific answer. World decides that since they don't know the answer to your question, it must be the wrong question. A herd of 'why are you doing this?' comments are birthed. World subsequently decides to instead help you fix your broken brain-logic and your clearly fragile emotional state. - Code Bling
It is not a "questions asking for advice on what to do (or legal advice)". Initially, yes, I mentioned I was interested in 'legal and HR' styled advice. I have since been informed The Workplace is not a place for legal advice and hence there was no need for me to specify this. I believe it is possible to answer this question without relying on legal advice and there is already an answer on it that is a good example of how this can be answered in a non-opinion based, non-law based manner.
It is not a "questions that focus on ranting about problems rather than trying to solve them." - It is long but it isn't a rant. Even in its length every sentence adds more details that some may find relevant and will help people to provide better answers. If the length is a problem I could probably strip it down.
It is a "question that is a good fit for the Stack Exchange format" and it meets the 6 criteria set out by Good Subjective guidelines. - I'll explain why in a subsequent edit.