I think it is acceptable to ask how to handle the situation with out saying what actions you took. But once it has happened and has been responded to there is not constructive way to deal with the problem because it has already happened and we can not change the past. You can say here is what happened how can i recover going forward but not how should I have done this.
I do not think it is OK to say here is what I did, was it wrong? How ever a question like: "I took X action and a coworker said they found it offensive. I Do not understand why" could be ok, provided it X is not along the lines of "I made a sexually aggressive action" or other blatantly inappropriate action/remark.
I think there is a danger of opening up too many what if rabbit holes for situations that occurred in the past that are unlikely to ever occur the same way again. To many of these situations are very contextual. And, how a junior should handle a situation is likely different than how a senior should handle it, and that is likely different than how a manager should handle it.
I think you can get good answers to questions about actions that happened in the past if they are asked like they happened now that will also help you answer the question of what should I have done. But I did X opens up a can of other worms and often times sets a bar of acceptability of actions far lower than it needs to be. For instance "My coworker told me my haircut made me look like a girl and I punched my boss in the face" set the bar so low that "You should have just flipped him the bird" is an preferable response. And that answer is likely to get up-votes in the context. The problem is it is a bad solution and a bad answer. These types of things create broken windows, and lower the bar acceptability for answers to other answers.
If you actually want to know if you took the right action (and believe you may have) post your actions as an answer. The community will let you know if they agree it was the right thing or explain why it was not.
